Mr. Waffles on the Bachelorette

So there is this one yellow haired lady person but not MY yellow haired lady person. This lady person has very, very small teeth. Smaller than mine even! And my teeth are very small. Because I am a small dog and they are proportional. She goes on walks with lots of different man peoples, and she sleeps at the foot of LOTS of beds. She also licks their faces a lot. I have not much experience with face licking. There is only one whose face I want to lick, and she is a gray cat named Pawlly. She has a squishy stomach and 6 toes on each of her feet. But this yellow haired lady person licks lots of faces. That's all she does all day is lick peoples faces. One man who face she really enjoys licking has magic poofy eyebrows and sometimes talks in a language I don't understand. I think it might be French. I don't know much about French, but I think it would sound different than the language that my lady people speak because they are not French. He wears a strange stripey costume and hits balls into fields. I was surprised to see that the yellow haired lady person did not attempt to run and catch the ball in her mouth, but then realized her tiny teeth were most likely very brittle and would break if she attempted to catch a ball in her mouth. Though I believe even if she were toothless the costumed man would still want to lick her. There is one man who has no mommy. This saddens me. But it seems that the yellow haired lady person will be his mommy instead. There is a thing man and lady people do called "getting down on one knee." This is what happens when you want to lick someone's face for the rest of time. This is how I feel about Pawlly. Though her hair is not poofy like mine, she is large and so we are equal in size. Also her tongue is dry and so when she licks my face I am not slobbered on, like when the mommy-less man person licks the yellow haired lady person. I think I will have my brown haired lady person get me a haircut and I will sell my magic fur to the highest bidder and then I will buy a diamond collar for Pawlly. And then she will want to lick my face forever and ever. And this would make me very happy because grey is my favorite color and cats are my favorite animals... well, except dogs because I am one.