Mister Waffles on Employment

I don't have a job because I am dog. And I think my life is all the better for it. I am very confused by my people who have jobs and leave me alone all day. Not because they leave me alone, but because they leave the house all day and then they come home and they are very unhappy. My yellow haired lady person sometimes cries so I lick her hand and let her rub my tummy. I am very poofy. I find that people are happier the poofier I am. Perhaps I have magic fur. I wish to share my magic fur with the world. I wish my yellow haired lady person and my brown haired lady person would take me to Africa where my magic, poofy fur would cure AIDS.